John 16:16-20. A little while and you will see me. I seek to see you Lord. In my prayers, the pictures, the statues, the words, most especially, your people. What is this little while in my life? The sum of 80 + or – years? In the scope of the world past and present, yes Lord that is a very little while. Much of this time I have wasted away. I had turned away from you, too interested in the conversation of the world instead of one with you. Why Lord? Why is that there are some who have known you their whole life and others like me who came to seek you after so much heartache? I already know the answer. It is generational. We sow what we reap. It is not all me, but what has been cultivated in my family line. The fruit, or lack of, comes to bear out in time. Thank you for not totally condemning my family and cursing it like the fig tree that withered up and died.
You say we will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices, we will grieve but our grief will become joy. Weeping and mourning does not feel right for my soul Lord. I want to be happy, lighthearted; like dancing on air. I see the world doing this – choosing what looks like happiness. As the popular song says, I feel good, you know that I should now. Yet you tell us we shouldn’t, but to weep and mourn. We will grieve – but – to let it be that our grief will become joy. My heart understands some of this – because this is not my eternal home. It is in heaven with you and the Father, Mother Mary, the Saints and all those who withstood the grief of sin but turned their hearts to you before their last breath. I am desiring eternal life Lord, not just the 80 some years here in this confusing land of so much evil. Yet I admit it is hard to think of eternal life when this is the only life I know. No one has been there and came back to tell us about it but you. Many put you down and even try to say you don’t exist. And this world is very loud.
I will focus today, ten days now before you send us the Holy Spirit in a new Pentecost, on the words grief will become joy. You have the power to turn my sadness over family and friends who do not know you, who are sick and blame you or have chosen to turn away from you as I continue to model for them dedication of my llfe to you. You can draw them to yourself. You can choose it is their time to know you. I pray you hear these prayers I offer for so many. I include in this prayer those passed; my husband Benny, my parents, my brother, my daughter and son, all my relatives and friends. Grief to joy, yes. This is what I want. My heart burns for this joy you offer, like the joy of living water. Help me to always see the joys of what eternal life will be so that i may patiently, lovingly and peacefully endure the grief of this world in which I am in today. May your holy and most beloved name be praised, Jesus, today and all the days of my life.