I had a good glimpse into the scriptures today that struck home. Lord, was it because I was struck several weeks again when I read about St. Paul talking on how everyone must work? Today you outlined how you did everything the Father asked, your work was done and you were leaving. What have you asked me Father?
I have placed many hats on my head at the parish. I took many off too. I always kept wanting to just please you in all I do, and yes, make money too. The money thing has never gone away. But I realize now that each time it was to help others, or to lighten the load at home. Having lived now without it for fifteen months I am afraid. Then I think of Paul, of so many who said we must never stop working – or not work and just play. Offering ourselves to our neighbor, loving without holding onto myself but giving everything away. One would think to live simply and give the rest away. When I look at others and I see how busy they are with all they do, plus do extra, I am shamed with what little I offer others. My mind needs the stimulation, the thorough thinking and praying and struggling.
Just the little time I spent with Julie in the green house gave us the opportunity to talk about our faith. Who else do you wish I speak with? Staying home, reading, writing, sleeping, being lazy – all this does become pretty self centered even though it is of holy things. Mary, I ask you for your advice and help. What do you see for me to do? I already felt that taking the interim position was a directive – last night I asked and today I read all about assignments. Now I ask again. Is there a change in my life that is going to direct me toward a greater union with you and your Son? Mary please help me to know the way to go. What is too little, too much? What will I give to others? How will I joyfully give back? What do you want me to do for you?