Jason’s post hit home for me today. Here it is Lord, Ten o’clock at night. Now I am hitting the keys to do mental prayer with you. I think I have my priorities in disorder. Tomorrow I have to do it differently, and apparently, re-read Dan’s book Into the Deep. Because I am tired and you know it. I am not giving you my best. I’m clicking off the boxes but am I speaking my heart to yours?
I know I am right now, and I hope I did throughout my day with all the things that were good I did. It does feel good to be wanted, to be needed and useful. I didn’t do what I said I was going to last night – I spent two hours on the computer while with the kids. That wasn’t fair. An expectation I put on myself but which hurt the other. They see so much of their parents on phones, then comes mema who does the same. I do rationalize it that I’m not the parent or grandparent, but it shouldn’t matter. I don’t want to hurt them or make them feel what I’m doing is more important than them.
This is kinda like what I’ve been doing with you Lord. Thanks for helping me see this. i do enjoy reading the reflections and searching for answers. But you have them for me and it’s like I go around the block to come to you when you are right in front of me. I’m just not sure and so I do think it will be time tomorrow to start fresh, to begin reading, reflecting and writing – at that time instead of fitting in the prayers first and this gets left till the end of the day. For I know that the Apostles all spoke in tongues in order to be heard; but first they had to be waiting and prepared.