Thankfulness – for the birth of my son 42 years ago today. I continue to pray for his salvation and give him over to you Lord – as well as all my family who are separated from you.
Love – for you my God and Savior. It is why I sit here with this computer and speak to you. Yes I can do it in my mind, quietly looking at you. But I can type it and look at you too. It seems to focus my mind so no other thoughts come in.
Am I following you? Am I, like my four year old great-grandson, yesterday, surging ahead, crossing streets without me; am I running ahead too or by your side? Do you give me the pinches of hey, did you ask me? I’ve gone ahead and said yes to this Compliance Manager task. Now I am contemplating going back to work. I’ve already thought out in my mind that I can’t go down to Birmingham and Nashville. Was that a good thing? From you? Did you prepare me for this the morning before when I spoke with my sister and said out loud I was not bound to do this. How beautiful in the reflection this morning that Peter had such weakness but came to realize you were always walking one step ahead. That you were drawing his journey – and mine – with crooked lines we don’t understand – but lines that would lead great multitudes towards you.
So what does following you look like in my life Lord? I did not have a good confession – it felt weak – but resolutely I wanted to let no more days pass and you led me to let down my pride and go. Where else is my pride prohibiting me to advance towards you? Yes the job and money thing – it is.a fine line to walk. Perhaps it is a good thing to talk with Fr. V about it. What about the children? I just don’t know how to stop what seems to me to be a constant need to buy more and more. The house is not in order because there is too much “stuff” and yet I know three children are constantly pulling it apart even if there were less. And they are so young these parents – am I forgetting how I was at that age? But you know it gets under my skin seeing nice things get pulled into the swamp of all the unnecessary. Oh help me to keep my tongue and thoughts silent and not be critical or judgemental unless there is a hazard.
I am now reminded of that last line in the Gospel reading: “If I want him to stay behind until I come, what does it matter to you? You are to follow me.” You have called me by name, out of the darkness and into the light. Thank you Father. Thank you for this time of waiting for your Holy Spirit to come and fill me with your grace. Thank you for the gifts it will bring to me – wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord. Thank you for the outpouring of your grace in fruit from these gifts – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, modesty, self-control, and chastity. Whether they are low hanging or will require effort and sacrifice to receive, I am blessed to know of them, of your everlasting and constant love for me. Yes, I will follow you Lord. Jesus I trust in you.