A gift of myself

Matthew 5:27-32 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.[a][b] 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.[c

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity,[d] makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

O Lord, I, a widow in this world, how do I keep a clean heart for you, keeping my mind and body pure? I have not always given you custody of my heart. I ponder where is my heart now Lord? How often am I shying away from sacrifice? This command to keep pure, to not lust for another, is not so difficult these days since I am older. My body does not rule my thoughts as it did in my youth. I have much sorrow for many of poor choices over the years when I did not keep custody of purity for You in the way I should have. And I have given these sins to you; I do not carry them any longer for you have wiped away my guilt. But alas, sorrow will always remain for the. pain I laid upon Your heart.

You created me with this desire to procreate, to be physically as close to man as is possible. This union is a utopia of the physical and mental faculties of my human nature. It is a joy that fulfills, not only that benefits the receiver but also the giver. Nothing is held back; all of oneself is offered – a total gift, even if my own imperfections are present, the procreative act is not less than the gift you gave all mankind. But we have made it less than the gift given; we have made it cruel, selfish, demeaning, forceful, animalistic and far from what you intended.

O my Jesus, it is difficult for this young generation to totally be giving of themselves for fear of this union that creates a life. They have many preconceived beliefs in the acceptance of societal “normal” numbers designating how many should be in a family. They follow the easier route of birth control, sterilization or other ways to separate full embrace and opportunity for a new life to begin. They do not abstain from pleasure, but place it above what might be good for them, abstinence; in which you may call upon them to offer. This greater love is hard indeed, especially in the younger married persons. Hormones are strong and stimulus from this world is real and everywhere. And worse yet Lord, like me, they just don’t know better. They are ignorant of what happens by You when a man and woman come together through the union of their bodies.

So how do I/we keep from sinning with lust in our hearts? How do we find the answer to the difficulties of abstaining, or in my case, keeping my mind and actions pure from lustful desires that may not be sexual but still are not ordered correctly. Once again, from Fr. G’s homily message at Mass, I heard the answer. It came from the first reading, in which Elijah answers the Lord God (Kings 19:9, 11-16). It’s not in the loud noises or great visuals. It’s in the small voice you whisper in my ear of intimacy, of desire, of a place where You will whisper tenderly the directions – the path – all the answers I need in this life.

Help me dear Jesus, to quiet myself when and where I can, even if just for a few moments. Let me hear You, quieting my mouth and mind, as I care for others or alone in my prayer chair.

Prayer 612

About Cathy Trowbridge

A faith-led people-person, daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, great- grandmother and friend, I am a Catholic Christian striving to union with our Lord. I hope to bring you encouragement to live a closer relationship with Christ, discerning direction in the path to Him, with Him and in Him.
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